So my drunken state and sheer laziness mean I will be re-posting an old blog. It's a good one though. Shows what a difference time can make...
Quite a few months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend, Jasmine (which reminds me, I must update my intro). We had been together 4 and a half years, but we had significant problems which weren;t getting any better. We were at a stage where we were going to move in together, but that would've only magnified the problems further. So I made a decision to end the relationship before it got to that point, as if we had taken that step, it would've been a whole lot messier.
It was a devastating experience, breaking the heart of someone you love. Watching their facial expression drop, and watching the tears fall, knowing that you are the cause of it. In spite of that, I felt that I was coping well. I'm a happy person, and dealt with it with a positive perspective, as I believed, and still do, that it was the right thing to do.
Over the last month or so, I've been thinking about her a lot. Wondering how she is, how her family is, just missing her, basically. This afternoon, after clearing my room, I found a shoebox filled with all the cards, notes, and letters she ever wrote to me. Experiences came to me from the times when I first read them, just flooded back in the best possible way. I looked up, and noticed that the montage of photos she made me for my birthday a few years ago is still up on the wall. I mean, I obviously knew it was there previously, but it had never made me think about why it was still there, months down the line after we split. I guess I'm just not ready to move on, just yet.
Even after all my thoughts of her today, I still believe I did the right thing. As much as I love her, she is going to have a better life without me, eventually.
So, as a quick fix, I would be much happier in a relationship. Having someone there to share your life, your experiences, someone to hold, and someone to hold you back, is a heart-warming feeling that cannot be matched. However, the whole complexity that comes with the relationship can lead to it's downfall. So, ultimately, I am happier being single. Being single means there are no constraints on your time. Money permitting, you can do what you like, when you like. Being single means that I will never have to disappoint my girlfriend ever again, and staying single will ensure that, while I may not have the overwhelming happiness of the love of my girlfriend, I don't have to go through the most unhappy experience of my life, ever again.
I wrote that last year. Although it still reads well and a lot of it is still true, there are things I would like to change...
It took a while to move on, even though I was the one doing the breaking, and I still believe it was the right thing to do. The more I look back on it, the more I know I did the right thing.
I have changed my mind about the last paragraph though. My year of being single has been great. I have great memories and it's been fun. but just because ending this relationship was awful does not mean I shouldnt try again. I believe I can be the best boyfriend in the World, and there was plenty of times with Jasmine when I wasn't. the opportunity to rectify my wrongs and do things differently, now that is something special. Finding someone who is far better suited to me than she ever was, that is something rare. Relationships don't have to fail. They can be amazing, and they can last. The failed relationships are just experience, enough to ensure we don;t make the same mistakes again. And the next time, it will work out. I believe this time, it will work out.
Goodnight.
This made me think of past girlfriends
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